The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
