he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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