Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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