You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize