The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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