my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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