We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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