How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
