Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
