This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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