Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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