i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
