He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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