Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
