My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
