I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
