I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
