she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
