the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
