Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize