i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
