my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
