i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
