it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
