Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
