Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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