My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize