What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
