How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
