True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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