she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
