The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
