This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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