I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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