I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's always time for handjobs
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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