I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
