dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
