toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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