i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
