He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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