True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
