sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize