Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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