Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
