I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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