Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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