Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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