do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
