Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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