a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
