i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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