I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
