Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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