Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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