he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
