its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
