Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
