So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
