I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
