I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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