i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
