I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
