Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
