How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Rumble strips road head = magical
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
