She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We don't watch enough power rangers
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
