I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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