Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize