it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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