I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
