I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I want a musical about memes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
