....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize