brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
