The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize