She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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