So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
