the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
