True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
