Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
